Why can't bridesmaids get a break?
Is this really still happening? Plus reading/watching/listening recs.
Friends,
This is an insane situation that somehow seems to have gotten worse this wedding season.
It has always been expensive to be a bridesmaid. You had to buy the dress, and pay your share for all the things including a bridal shower and a bachelorette party.
But the stories in this New York Magazine article really put me over the edge.
When a bride tells a friend that in order to be part of the wedding party (an “honor” which signals a confirmation of their friendship status), and they have to shell out THOUSANDS of dollars, there has to be some kind of conversation about whether the money part of all this is really ok.
Because let’s call it what it is. The bride is telling her friends ‘if you value our friendship, you WILL find a way to come up with this huge amount of money and spend it how I decide.’ They aren’t thinking, ‘oh, well, this friend is paying down debt and this will derail her plans. Or, this one is building an emergency fund and this is not her intention. Or even, she literally doesn’t have the cash and this has created a huge amount of anxiety for her that I have no idea about.’
They just want their perfect day.
Here are some money tips to keep in mind:
Know your fixed costs, and plan for them. This probably includes things like the dress and your share of events like the bridal shower and the bachelorette party.
Talk money not just with the bride but with the rest of the wedding party. Odds are you aren’t the only one having some money anxiety. Think of it as protecting the other bridesmaids and you will feel empowered. Plus: you would be surprised at how many may want to cut costs even if they can technically afford all the things.
Ask: can we share rooms at the hotel? Can we each spend less on a gift by organizing a group gift? Can you choose a family style set menu for some meals?
Make smart travel decisions: If it is a destination wedding, pick an off-hours flight to get a less expensive fare – and then tell others so you can travel together and share the cost of ground transportation.
Choose at least one thing NOT to do. You want to be present for your friend but it is ok to skip something. For example, if you go to look at wedding dresses, you don’t need to stay after for the brunch at a restaurant. No need to explain yourself. Just say you have a conflict and wish them well.
The bottom line: We have to start having some candid conversations about letting other people dictate how we spend our money. So here’s to all the bridesmaids who are trying to figure this all out.
Finding ways to stay in control of your money in real world situations is hard. It’s even harder when it comes to sticky social situations and you feel friendships are on the line.
That’s why I wrote my book “Launching Financial Grownups” which covers these tricky but inevitable situations. It is also why we support parents and grandparents with our workshops and our consulting practice at Financial Wellness Strategies. As icky as these things can be, they are a great way to start to have multi-generational conversations about money.
Get in touch to learn more by emailing us at hello@financialwellnessstrategies.com or scheduling a free consultation. Or just message me!
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What’s your #1 money question?
We all have questions about money. For some people it’s, “What are some common mistakes people make with their finances, and how can I avoid them?” Others might ask, “How much should I set aside in an emergency fund?”
What's your main money dilemma? Tell us here.
Reading, listening and watching recommendations
Some of these will be money-related but some will just be things I want to share because I think you will enjoy them.
Reading: The Coming Wave: AI, Power, and the Twenty-first Century's Greatest Dilemma, by Mustafa Suleyman
My dad suggested I read this – so I immediately picked up a copy. He’s in good company: Bill Gates, Al Gore, Nouriel Roubini, Daniel Kahneman, and more also really like it.
And the reviews for this book on AI and its past, present and future impact were impressive enough for me to start reading what is, if we are being honest, a challenging book.
A couple standouts:
“[A] sweeping look at the future of artificial intelligence and other transformative technologies…”—The New York Times
“An informative yet disturbing study and a clear warning from someone whose voice cannot be ignored.”—Kirkus Reviews
Take a chance and challenge yourself. AI is not optional so we might as well get into it.
You can get your copy here.
Listening: Wiser Than Me podcast with Julia Louis-Dreyfus
Wiser Than Me is in its second season and getting rave reviews.
The actress interviews celebrities that are generally about a generation older than she is…and the results are binge-worthy. Guests include Ina Garten, Diane von Furstenberg, and Carol Burnett.
Anything that promotes generations learning from each other is a win for me.
Want to learn more about how we can all have more meaningful multi-generational conversations (especially about awkward topics like money)?
Learn more here.
Watching: 30 for 30: Broke on Netflix
This latest installment of the series from ESPN looks at the many ways athletes lose their money.
From NPR’s review: Broke, the documentary that brings ESPN's outstanding "30 For 30" back begins with this pair of statistics, courtesy of Sports Illustrated: "By the time they have been retired for two years, 78 percent of former NFL players have gone bankrupt or are under financial stress; within five years of retirement, an estimated 60 percent of former NBA players are broke."
Some big atheletes appear in the series, and the stories of how so many squandered so many millions will make you realize what you already know: be careful who you trust, and always pay attention to where your money is going. The stories are heartbreaking and a red flag for anyone who thinks hitting it rich will solve their problems.
Poll Results: We want to raise financial grownups!
The results are in from the last poll which followed a story about Actor Jeff Goldblum saying he wasn’t leaving his kids oodles of money. Most of us want to help…as a way to get our (almost) adults to launch. Love this!
How can we help?
As always, we are here to bring financial wellness programming to life for your teams through our in person workshops or virtual Q&A sessions.
Lets connect on TikTok, Instagram, and LinkedIn and please share any ideas in the comments (or just say hi!).
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